As many moms to be, I hesitated between going through delivery with pain meds or not. I asked the question on Facebook. Lots of friends kindly shared their personal experience with me. One of them suggested to read Ina May's Guide to Childbirth. I also had a conversation with our instructor of Childbirth Class at Lourdes Hospital. After digesting all the available information, I told my husband that I will try to deliver without any pain meds. Knowing myself as a very vocal person, we agreed on a "code" that means "give me the pain killer", just in case I say anything that I will regret later on.
I had Braxton Hicks (practice contractions) quite early. I kept wondering if I could tell when the real contractions happen. Luckily, the real contractions were very different as described by many. The day after the doctor checked my cervix, some cramping pain woke me up at 3AM in the morning. I saw some blood on my panties and wipes, but I still wasn't one hundred percent sure whether that was the real deal(sometimes cervix check-up could cause spotting). I went downstairs to track the time of contractions without waking my husband up. After experiencing more and more frequent contractions for two hours plus seeing a little more blood every time I went to the restroom, I contacted the hospital, and the doctor on call told me to head over when my contractions become 5 min apart. When my contractions became about 15 min apart, I woke my husband up and told him it's show time. His eyes suddenly were wide open with a boost of excitement. We grabbed what we'd packed weeks ago and got to the hospital by 8:30AM.
As usual, we got lost in Lourdes, and I almost gave in to a wheel chair because of the increasing pain. Thankfully, we made it to the birthing center soon enough. After checking in, our nurses Sarah and Sally helped me in the waiting room. They went through the standard procedure asking me a ton of questions about my personal information and my desire of pain killer which was "none if possible". And then, they checked my cervix. It wasn't any more open than the day before. I was disappointed, because they could send me home to wait. Knowing that I hated to go home at that point, the nurses told me to walk around. With the increasing pain, of course sitting around would have been much more comfortable. However, both my husband and I knew that this was no time to get comfortable. He held my hand to walk around the center. When the contraction hit me, we hugged and did a little waltz. About an hour later, my cervix opened 1 cm more. Since I made some progress, nobody dared to send me home from then on. The nurses told me to keep walking for another hour before my doctor comes. Before this point, the pain of contractions were manageable. As an opera singer, deep, slow, and long breaths that I'm used to definitely helped me through the pain. My nurses seemed very impressed by how cool and peaceful I looked during my contractions(until that point). First, I would calmly announce "Here comes one(contraction)". And then, I just closed my eyes and started to take deep breaths peacefully.
By 12PM, my doctor came and told me that everything is progressing well and he is going to break my water to speed things up even more. Breaking the water wasn't too painful. However, I don't think (I can't remember if) I walked around much after my water broke. I do remember another nurse coming in to do some blood work(just in case). She took quite a while to get the needle ready. By the time she's ready, I told her to hold on because of another contraction. After that contraction passed, I told her to use the window (bt contractions). For some reason, she found something else to be busy with, and my husband had to kindly suggest her to forget about that nonsense and use the precious time wisely. We fortunately got my blood work done before another contraction kicked in. By 1PM, Sarah and Sally came in again to check my cervix. They were happy to see the blood show, and I was about 9 cm open. However, this check up was during a contraction that suddenly became so much more painful. (Well, that's what's supposed to happen after the water breaks, duh!) I couldn't help but grabbing the bars on the bed. It felt so different and so extreme that I felt like pushing already. One of Ina May's stories flashed in my mind, "you push when you feel like to". So, I told Sarah and Sally that I wanted to push already. That definitely turned everyone in the room into panic mode, because there was no doctor available at scene, and I was still in the waiting room. I heard the nurses using the intercom, "the patient started involuntary push already". They turned to me and advised me not to push yet by concentrating on my breathing even more. It was rather painful, but still manageable.
Just in case if you're wondering, it's very common for first time moms to wait for even more than 12 hrs before the actual delivery happens. Nobody in the room ever expected a first time mom shouting out the key word, push, four hours after checking into the hospital. And at that very moment, I half jokingly said, "Maybe I want that epidural after all". Interestingly, my husband and the nurses all ignored me. I imagined in all our minds flashed the same question, "How can I give in after holding on well for this long?"
The nurses definitely rushed to get my delivery room ready. Sarah first told me that she would get me a wheel chair, because I told her I wasn't sure if I could walk that much distance. When it was time to go to the delivery room, Sarah of course asked me if I could try to walk since it's good for me. Despite of the pain and worries, I trusted the professional suggestion and my husband's strength to catch me if I suddenly collapse. We made it to the room, and I told Sarah that I would like to try the tub. (to relax, not to deliver! Too bad, none of the hospitals in this region offer that option) She went to get the tub ready when I moved to an exercise ball. I sat on the ball and tried to roll the ball with my bottom like what I've learned from the birthing class. I couldn't move as much as I did in class, but the exercise ball still helped a lot. When the contraction came, I leaned forward to the bed while sitting on it. At the same time, my husband gave my lower back good massages. The combination of breathing, sitting on the ball, and massages took my mind off the pain a bit.
The tub was ready! The nurses had to check my cervix before I went into the tub. After checking, Sally said, "You are not going into the tub. You are ready to give birth!" There I was, very excited and nervous. All of a sudden, the room was full of people. At some point, there must have been more than 10 strangers in the room. I was put on the birthing bed with my legs up. I suddenly found that my left leg couldn't open over certain angle but that angle seemed necessary. I just ate it up and never told anyone until a few days after my delivery. It was a really weird position for me because of the difficulty to engage gravity. The first doctor came into the room. She was very nice, but she definitely made me nervous a bit when the nurses seemed to know more than she did. (Later on, I learned that the doctor just got out of school not long ago, and I was her third delivery experiment. Actually, I was her first when there was no other doctor in the room.) Luckily, my regular doctor came in and told me that he will get dressed up in a min.
So now, pushes! I was told to use the waves of contractions to push. I should do three pushes during each contraction, and I should count to ten during each push. I was also told not to make any sound while pushing so that the energy would all go to the right place.(I also suspect that they are afraid of the screams that could make other moms and their support people feel very uneasy!) With the nice doctor poking around, I made absolutely no progress in the first ten pushes until one of the nurses said, "push as if you're doing number 2". After the first ten pushes, my regular doctor came back. (Thank goodness!) Feeling much more confident with his presence, I engaged the number 2 technique and decided to let my voice out. (Not screaming! It's more like a grunting and sustaining low pitch. I think the nurses tell moms to hold the voice in because not everyone knows how to engage the lower muscles as opera singers.) At that point, my husband took over the nurse's coaching job. He started to coach my breaths, counting, and holding my head in. Just like that, I felt the move of the baby, and the doctors and the nurses told me that she's half way there. Riding the next contraction, I felt some kind of warm sensation twice along the pushes, my daughter made her way out completely!
This purple and grayish baby was immediately brought to me. There was no word to express my feelings. My daughter and I began our skin-to-skin contact, and she immediately started to change color. After the cord clamping and waiting for the cord to stop the transfusion between me and my daughter, my husband did the honor and cut the cord! The nurse gave me two more injections. (I forgot the actual names. One was to help push the placenta out. Maybe the same one or the other one was to help my uterus to shrink.) For me, pushing placenta felt more painful than the baby. It felt more painful probably because I wanted to be done with pushes so bad. While my husband and I were holding the baby, the placenta got out, and my regular doctor started to stitch my tears. (I later on figured out the two warm sensations I felt during the last pushes were the tears, and fortunately my delivery didn't require episiotomy at all.) Since my muscles were still in shock (by the delivery), the stitches without any pain meds seemed not too bad.
After my doctor addressed my wounds, he showed us the placenta with the sac. It was huge, saggy, and bloody(pretty gross looking honestly). Later on, another nurse came in to check my arms. After a few seconds, she asked, "you didn't have IV?" (Apparently, the wait to the actual delivery didn't drag long enough.) Again, post delivery pain meds were offered. And again, because of the intention to stay more alerted, I declined the kind offer. Some nurses asked me where I am from because they thought perhaps the people from my country may have higher pain tolerance!? I don't think Taiwanese people can tolerate more pain. Well, Taiwanese people have survived many rulers(dictators) from all over the world, and that may have been some serious training through generations :p
By four o'clock, I felt that I should go to the restroom. (The part that worried me the most was postpartum. It to me meant a lot more pain with nothing to look forward to...) The nurse was once again impressed because I got out of the bed, walked to the restroom on my own (they were watching), and actually peed! There wasn't much distance at all, but on the way back, I felt lightheaded. I immediately told the nurses that my vision went dark and I felt that I might faint. Sally immediately held my hand and told me to look at my daughter. Just like that, the blood came back to my head right away, and my vision came back(power of endorphin, I suppose)!
A few hours went by, Sally and Sarah were ready to go home. Paige was my night nurse. She told us that if I liked to, I could get out of the hospital the next day. (I looked at my husband, and it was clear that neither of us wanted to leave the hospital so soon. Usually, hospitals would keep new moms for 72 hours. If we had followed Paige's suggestion, we would have only stayed for 24 hrs.) Paige also told me that in order to be discharged, I have to show them that I can walk around at least four times. (Now that I think of it, this may just be another thing they do to push me instead of something mandatory. As a good patient, I did go out for a walk later that night.)
I started to breastfeed my daughter a few min after she's born. It wasn't easy, because this was new to both of us. It also hurt, but at this point, nothing could top the birthing pain so that I just went with it. According to my lactation consultant, my nipples are too big for her tiny mouth. She can't latch on fully enough that she would just use so much concentrated force on my nipples. Although we all knew what a proper latch should look like, the reality was that she couldn't get anymore into her mouth. The morning after, I noticed that a few spots on my nipple turned into very dark red (those spots were bruised). The consultant told me that it was normal. It was caused by the way she took in the milk. (Again, her force was way too concentrated because of the sizes of my nipples and her mouth) The consultant told me that I should just keep breastfeeding. So I did although it really hurt. The dark red spots were gone after a few feedings. (I thought they were popped by her suctions. She probably had a little taste of my blood...)
A while ago when we were taking the birthing class, our instructor told us that parents wouldn't be judged at all if they send their newborns to the night station so that the adults could get some sleep in the night. After the huge exhaustion and our daughter's schedule wanting to be fed every two hours or less, we understood why the night station was so full when we took our night stroll. Although it felt appealing, my husband and I decided to keep our daughter at night as well. We figured that it would be our best chance to learn how to do everything for the baby with professional guidance if needed. (When I said "we", it was most likely "my husband", because I couldn't normally function yet. I did none of diaper changes for quite a few days after giving birth.)
My daughter and I were released 48 hrs after we checked in. For me, if I had taken epidural, I wouldn't have been able to give birth 6 hrs after I checked in. (Not knowing how to push at the beginning, not being able to feel or move my bottom would have been much more challenging!) If I had taken epidural, I wouldn't have been able to get up and walked to the restroom 2 hrs after giving birth. If I had taken epidural, we wouldn't have been able to leave the hospital in only 48 hrs. Yes, it was painful to go through, but sometimes, the more we try to ease the pain, the longer the unwanted situation would drag. Although I got through this process successfully without any pain meds this time, it will still be a hard decision to make in the future, because I now know how much pain giving birth is! There's no prize for moms to go through labor without pain killers, and my rather smooth experience might have been done with mostly luck. I suppose this post is mainly a personal record for mysel, and some encouragement to the moms-to-be who also choose to ride the pain! (Please forgive me if I typed anything nonsensical. It's a real challenge trying to complete one post with my daughter's schedule :p It took me over a month to finish this post!)
By 12PM, my doctor came and told me that everything is progressing well and he is going to break my water to speed things up even more. Breaking the water wasn't too painful. However, I don't think (I can't remember if) I walked around much after my water broke. I do remember another nurse coming in to do some blood work(just in case). She took quite a while to get the needle ready. By the time she's ready, I told her to hold on because of another contraction. After that contraction passed, I told her to use the window (bt contractions). For some reason, she found something else to be busy with, and my husband had to kindly suggest her to forget about that nonsense and use the precious time wisely. We fortunately got my blood work done before another contraction kicked in. By 1PM, Sarah and Sally came in again to check my cervix. They were happy to see the blood show, and I was about 9 cm open. However, this check up was during a contraction that suddenly became so much more painful. (Well, that's what's supposed to happen after the water breaks, duh!) I couldn't help but grabbing the bars on the bed. It felt so different and so extreme that I felt like pushing already. One of Ina May's stories flashed in my mind, "you push when you feel like to". So, I told Sarah and Sally that I wanted to push already. That definitely turned everyone in the room into panic mode, because there was no doctor available at scene, and I was still in the waiting room. I heard the nurses using the intercom, "the patient started involuntary push already". They turned to me and advised me not to push yet by concentrating on my breathing even more. It was rather painful, but still manageable.
Just in case if you're wondering, it's very common for first time moms to wait for even more than 12 hrs before the actual delivery happens. Nobody in the room ever expected a first time mom shouting out the key word, push, four hours after checking into the hospital. And at that very moment, I half jokingly said, "Maybe I want that epidural after all". Interestingly, my husband and the nurses all ignored me. I imagined in all our minds flashed the same question, "How can I give in after holding on well for this long?"
The nurses definitely rushed to get my delivery room ready. Sarah first told me that she would get me a wheel chair, because I told her I wasn't sure if I could walk that much distance. When it was time to go to the delivery room, Sarah of course asked me if I could try to walk since it's good for me. Despite of the pain and worries, I trusted the professional suggestion and my husband's strength to catch me if I suddenly collapse. We made it to the room, and I told Sarah that I would like to try the tub. (to relax, not to deliver! Too bad, none of the hospitals in this region offer that option) She went to get the tub ready when I moved to an exercise ball. I sat on the ball and tried to roll the ball with my bottom like what I've learned from the birthing class. I couldn't move as much as I did in class, but the exercise ball still helped a lot. When the contraction came, I leaned forward to the bed while sitting on it. At the same time, my husband gave my lower back good massages. The combination of breathing, sitting on the ball, and massages took my mind off the pain a bit.
The tub was ready! The nurses had to check my cervix before I went into the tub. After checking, Sally said, "You are not going into the tub. You are ready to give birth!" There I was, very excited and nervous. All of a sudden, the room was full of people. At some point, there must have been more than 10 strangers in the room. I was put on the birthing bed with my legs up. I suddenly found that my left leg couldn't open over certain angle but that angle seemed necessary. I just ate it up and never told anyone until a few days after my delivery. It was a really weird position for me because of the difficulty to engage gravity. The first doctor came into the room. She was very nice, but she definitely made me nervous a bit when the nurses seemed to know more than she did. (Later on, I learned that the doctor just got out of school not long ago, and I was her third delivery experiment. Actually, I was her first when there was no other doctor in the room.) Luckily, my regular doctor came in and told me that he will get dressed up in a min.
So now, pushes! I was told to use the waves of contractions to push. I should do three pushes during each contraction, and I should count to ten during each push. I was also told not to make any sound while pushing so that the energy would all go to the right place.(I also suspect that they are afraid of the screams that could make other moms and their support people feel very uneasy!) With the nice doctor poking around, I made absolutely no progress in the first ten pushes until one of the nurses said, "push as if you're doing number 2". After the first ten pushes, my regular doctor came back. (Thank goodness!) Feeling much more confident with his presence, I engaged the number 2 technique and decided to let my voice out. (Not screaming! It's more like a grunting and sustaining low pitch. I think the nurses tell moms to hold the voice in because not everyone knows how to engage the lower muscles as opera singers.) At that point, my husband took over the nurse's coaching job. He started to coach my breaths, counting, and holding my head in. Just like that, I felt the move of the baby, and the doctors and the nurses told me that she's half way there. Riding the next contraction, I felt some kind of warm sensation twice along the pushes, my daughter made her way out completely!
This purple and grayish baby was immediately brought to me. There was no word to express my feelings. My daughter and I began our skin-to-skin contact, and she immediately started to change color. After the cord clamping and waiting for the cord to stop the transfusion between me and my daughter, my husband did the honor and cut the cord! The nurse gave me two more injections. (I forgot the actual names. One was to help push the placenta out. Maybe the same one or the other one was to help my uterus to shrink.) For me, pushing placenta felt more painful than the baby. It felt more painful probably because I wanted to be done with pushes so bad. While my husband and I were holding the baby, the placenta got out, and my regular doctor started to stitch my tears. (I later on figured out the two warm sensations I felt during the last pushes were the tears, and fortunately my delivery didn't require episiotomy at all.) Since my muscles were still in shock (by the delivery), the stitches without any pain meds seemed not too bad.
After my doctor addressed my wounds, he showed us the placenta with the sac. It was huge, saggy, and bloody(pretty gross looking honestly). Later on, another nurse came in to check my arms. After a few seconds, she asked, "you didn't have IV?" (Apparently, the wait to the actual delivery didn't drag long enough.) Again, post delivery pain meds were offered. And again, because of the intention to stay more alerted, I declined the kind offer. Some nurses asked me where I am from because they thought perhaps the people from my country may have higher pain tolerance!? I don't think Taiwanese people can tolerate more pain. Well, Taiwanese people have survived many rulers(dictators) from all over the world, and that may have been some serious training through generations :p
By four o'clock, I felt that I should go to the restroom. (The part that worried me the most was postpartum. It to me meant a lot more pain with nothing to look forward to...) The nurse was once again impressed because I got out of the bed, walked to the restroom on my own (they were watching), and actually peed! There wasn't much distance at all, but on the way back, I felt lightheaded. I immediately told the nurses that my vision went dark and I felt that I might faint. Sally immediately held my hand and told me to look at my daughter. Just like that, the blood came back to my head right away, and my vision came back(power of endorphin, I suppose)!
A few hours went by, Sally and Sarah were ready to go home. Paige was my night nurse. She told us that if I liked to, I could get out of the hospital the next day. (I looked at my husband, and it was clear that neither of us wanted to leave the hospital so soon. Usually, hospitals would keep new moms for 72 hours. If we had followed Paige's suggestion, we would have only stayed for 24 hrs.) Paige also told me that in order to be discharged, I have to show them that I can walk around at least four times. (Now that I think of it, this may just be another thing they do to push me instead of something mandatory. As a good patient, I did go out for a walk later that night.)
I started to breastfeed my daughter a few min after she's born. It wasn't easy, because this was new to both of us. It also hurt, but at this point, nothing could top the birthing pain so that I just went with it. According to my lactation consultant, my nipples are too big for her tiny mouth. She can't latch on fully enough that she would just use so much concentrated force on my nipples. Although we all knew what a proper latch should look like, the reality was that she couldn't get anymore into her mouth. The morning after, I noticed that a few spots on my nipple turned into very dark red (those spots were bruised). The consultant told me that it was normal. It was caused by the way she took in the milk. (Again, her force was way too concentrated because of the sizes of my nipples and her mouth) The consultant told me that I should just keep breastfeeding. So I did although it really hurt. The dark red spots were gone after a few feedings. (I thought they were popped by her suctions. She probably had a little taste of my blood...)
A while ago when we were taking the birthing class, our instructor told us that parents wouldn't be judged at all if they send their newborns to the night station so that the adults could get some sleep in the night. After the huge exhaustion and our daughter's schedule wanting to be fed every two hours or less, we understood why the night station was so full when we took our night stroll. Although it felt appealing, my husband and I decided to keep our daughter at night as well. We figured that it would be our best chance to learn how to do everything for the baby with professional guidance if needed. (When I said "we", it was most likely "my husband", because I couldn't normally function yet. I did none of diaper changes for quite a few days after giving birth.)
My daughter and I were released 48 hrs after we checked in. For me, if I had taken epidural, I wouldn't have been able to give birth 6 hrs after I checked in. (Not knowing how to push at the beginning, not being able to feel or move my bottom would have been much more challenging!) If I had taken epidural, I wouldn't have been able to get up and walked to the restroom 2 hrs after giving birth. If I had taken epidural, we wouldn't have been able to leave the hospital in only 48 hrs. Yes, it was painful to go through, but sometimes, the more we try to ease the pain, the longer the unwanted situation would drag. Although I got through this process successfully without any pain meds this time, it will still be a hard decision to make in the future, because I now know how much pain giving birth is! There's no prize for moms to go through labor without pain killers, and my rather smooth experience might have been done with mostly luck. I suppose this post is mainly a personal record for mysel, and some encouragement to the moms-to-be who also choose to ride the pain! (Please forgive me if I typed anything nonsensical. It's a real challenge trying to complete one post with my daughter's schedule :p It took me over a month to finish this post!)
