OCD, DD, and BP

Things got to me too easily. I didn't know why but I started to understand my behavior and the whole process of how I thought to feel. Most of them are extreme insecurity.

A few years back, I had a thought that when there was something good happened, something bad would come right after very shortly. It was not so. It is just that my mood swings between the peaks too often and too extreme. I only made the connection of me being bi-polar during the past summer after chatting with one who is dealing with it as well. When I started to take it as a mental cold, I stopped blaming myself, others, fate, nor the wacky spirits. After reading more about it, knowing that many people have suffered from the same disorder, it was silly, but I did feel less stress.

The depressive disorder is just another thing which is part of my BP. After sharing with my bff in Taiwan, she defined my depression of "over-self-centered-stupidity". The world will not end even if I don't try to do anything. To carry and worry about useless burden is absolutely meaningless. Stop thinking about what and how others will react if you do anything or not. Even if you try to do so, it's only you who thinks people care. The fact is that most of things don't matter, especially, a musician.

She told me that what I should focus on is just myself, and I should start small. When the goals are small, they are easier to achieve, and I will feel satisfied more often. So, baby step for me from now on. I had been too extreme. When something didn't go as I wish, the only way I had was to quit, because if I quit, I didn't need to worry about it anymore. The attitude never solved any problems. It only made me switch into more different paths and stopped again when I met unsolvable issues. I am learning how to leave it and to live with it. Once I take myself as just an ordinary person, I stop pressuring myself to look at the obstacles as the end of the world, and the weight on my shoulder got much lighter all of a sudden.

That's it for now. TBC

Happy New Year 2013

Happy New Year, 2013!

It is a very different New Year for me compared to the past 8 years. First, I was home in Kaohsiung with my parents and Tako. Second, I planned a New Year celebration for my family. We watched Shrek one, two with bad titles. We had some sweet rice balls. After finishing the movies, mom and dad went to bed first. I had the chance to call J up to do my final countdown. Jan 1, 2013, mom and dad had the first taste of Dance Central. I was, of course, the best one in the gaming business, but my parents had so much laughter while playing and watching the games.

2012 was very special. It was my hard to believe second year of a relationship(still going). I finally started working in a university with gifted faculties and masters students. I had my debut in Siena, and finally toured around in Europe after 28 years of thinking about it. It was the first time I flew back to Taiwan without knowing what exactly I was gonna do to make a living. I finally learned how to drive, and according to someone, that was a very important issue not to marry me.(He probably didn't mean it, but since he said it, I typed it.) I picked up and seriously raised a kitten in my parents' house. After all these years bad mouthing cats, they finally changed their mind because Tako is awfully cute!

Almost forgot, I saw quite a few performances of my sister's, and I'm so proud of her and her group! There are still things I haven't done. For instance, the long awaited recording with my previous band mates is still in the air. I still have never lived alone being responsible for my own apartment. Oh well, I'll get to that. At least, I started looking around.

A few more things on the list: an opera group, a recording, a few performances, and a bier braeur! Hmm... so!? I don't know. Taiwan is a pretty good place if I can stand some ignorance here. Or, may I help educate the ones with no clue? Yup, I think big, just like I wish world peace as always.

Alrighty, Jan 1 is gone, and I am going to sleep in order to fight my student tomorrow!!! Rrrrrah!